My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
