I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub