apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda