Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
