you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
handjob tips. give me some.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.