I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
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I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.