i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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