Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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