I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
