dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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