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• (512): View more from Texas

  its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.

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• (985): View more from Louisiana

  I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.

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• (320): View more from Minnesota

  I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.

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• (716): View more from New York

  So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder

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• (661): View more from California

  There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me

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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.

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• (607): View more from New York

  And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.

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