I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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