Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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