my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
