I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
