She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
