so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
