i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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