I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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