Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
