I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
