Responsibility does not care about your dick.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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