I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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