it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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