lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
