batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
