dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My underwear smells like fireworks.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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