Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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