The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
