so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
did i just pee glitter
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
