no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Rumble strips road head = magical
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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