I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
