God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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