I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
