we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
COCAINE IS GR8
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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