I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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