listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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