so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
