Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
