you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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