im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.