This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
