Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The air was thick with penises
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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