we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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