Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
