pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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