Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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