Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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