i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
