im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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