I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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