the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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