How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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