I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
