Is it because I queefed?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
