Just fell off a train. Bad.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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