Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
This is my gift to your gina
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
