You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
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Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
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