You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
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You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
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My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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