My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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