Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
