I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
