Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
