What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
