wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
