My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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