How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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