I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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