me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
