I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
