After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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