chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
