you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
