worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
