matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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