I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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