Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
