At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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