I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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