He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
