I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
