and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
