I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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